Defcon MidLife
Today's therapy session left me marinating in a funk that just won't shake loose. It's as if I've been stirring negativity in my mind like a chef repeatedly botching a lobster consommé. I've come to realize that I march to the beat of a different drum, a tune distinct from that of my father. While I usually possess an abundance of patience, today it seems to have taken a vacation.
Instead of delving into the dark voids within me, a path no one desires to tread, I've made a conscious choice to seek out the light. Every tale has its consequences, every action and its reactions. I've opted to respond in a manner that resonates with positivity, or as a dear friend would say, with some good ol' "ju ju." Today marked the rekindling of my therapy journey, a victory in itself. I bravely acknowledged my unsettling mental state instead of bottling it up, akin to a pressure cooker with a tightly sealed valve. I faced the shadows and embraced the light. These may seem like small victories, but they embody the essence of a healthy mental outlook. Recognizing self-sabotage and steering clear of it is perhaps the grandest victory of all.
I have never taken the time to sit and truly reflect on the events of the past three years of my life. It never occurred to me the weight I have been carrying. The tumultuous waves of emotions, crashing incessantly into my soul like the relentless pounding of the ocean against a seawall. It's rather amusing how, as I pause to gather my thoughts before typing, one idea leads to another, reminiscent of a bustling Saturday night at downtown Disney. I observe these thoughts as they come, swiftly assessing what needs my attention, much like a chef scanning a busy kitchen to ensure everything is in order and cooking smoothly. Slowly, I begin to see a glimmer of light at the end of the chaos—I am emerging from the weeds. I see life unfolding before me! Despite enduring some truly challenging experiences, they have shaped me into the person I am today.
A thought suddenly crosses my mind: "God only gives us what he knows we can handle." While this is a familiar adage, I find myself questioning its accuracy. Is it not true that every cook, every individual, needs a push to reach their full potential? Were all those cooks the same, eagerly seizing every opportunity presented to them? Some may require that extra nudge, a reminder of their own capabilities. Reflecting on this, I realize how crucial it is to step out of our comfort zones to grow and evolve. Perhaps encountering challenges that seem insurmountable teaches us valuable lessons in resilience and adaptation. Another saying comes to mind: "Sweating is pain leaving the body." Well, I must be shedding quite a bit of pain, given the amount I perspire!
Some may label this phase as a mid-life crisis, but what does that even entail? Is it a convenient excuse for aging men to indulge in folly and have it deemed acceptable? Right now, I contemplate the fuel left in my tank, the legacy I wish to leave for my child, and the imprint I hope to make on this earth. A new sports car won't resolve my quandaries; instead, my focus lies on my journey and the person I am destined to become. The uncharted territory ahead may be daunting, yet it also beckons with a sense of novelty and introspection. I find myself delving into profound philosophical musings more than ever in pursuit of that elusive work-life balance—my very own unicorn!
